On Weddings and Engagements, July 1898

These are suggestions written by Ruth Ashmore in July, 1898 for the Ladies Home Journal.

I don’t know why I find vintage etiquette so incredibly fascinating. On one hand, I’m very thankful to not have to have such rigidity today. But on the other hand, I find learning about it helps me to further understand the context of historical novels, magazine articles, and even screen adaptions.

Of course, as always, take the historical source as a grain of salt when compared with modern day ideals. But if you’d like a look into what they suggested for women in 1898, read on.

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Broken Engagements. Propriety demands that when an engagement is broken, all gifts exchanged should be returned, as well as all letters.

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For a Very Quiet Wedding it would be proper to write informal invitations to those relatives and near friends whom you wish to have present. Do not send invitations to those who are far away and unable to come. Afterward have your sister send announcement cards to all relatives and friends of your own, and your husband’s, whose acquaintance you wish to retain after your marriage.

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Answering Invitations. An invitation to a tea requires no answer; your presence, or your card sent by post to arrive on the day of the affair, is sufficient. An invitation to a luncheon or a dinner requires a note of acceptance or regret, written as soon after the invitation is received as possible. When you go to a luncheon you do not leave your card. And invitation to a wedding or wedding reception requires an answer written in the usual formal matter.

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Letters of Thanks for wedding presents written to the friends of one’s husband with whom one is not acquainted may be worded after this fashion:

‘My Dear Mr, Hamilton: Pray accept my thanks for the beautiful lamp which you were so kind as to send me. It is very artistic, and I am more pleased than I can say to have my husband’s friends remember me. Mr. Brown joins me in thanking you, and hopes, as I do, to see you very soon, that we may express our thanks in person.

Yours very cordially, Marie Brown.’

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A Widow when being married the second time should not wear a bridal veil nor orange blossoms, nor be attended by bridesmaids. Ushers are permitted, but wedding favors are not worn. When entering the dining-room for a wedding breakfast or tea the bride and bridegroom come first, the bride on the bridegroom’s left arm, while the maid of honor comes next with the best man; the other bridesmaids follow, each with an usher, then comes the bride’s father with the bridegroom’s mother, and after that is the bridegroom’s father with the bride’s mother. It is considered in bad taste to exhibit the wedding presents unless it should be done in a quiet way, a day or two before the wedding, to very intimate women friends and relatives who are deeply interested in all that concerns the bride-to-be.

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The Wedding Present is, of course, a matter of importance, coming from the bridesmaids to the bride, and I quite understand how, as none of you are rich, you wonder what that is pretty and worth having you can obtain for the small sum that you can afford to spend. A girl who is maid of honor at a fashionable wedding, not long ago, told me what the bridesmaids did, and I think it would be a good idea for you to copy their action, instead of sending to your friend a lot of useless trash. The maid of honor wrote a note to each girl in which she said:-

‘Dear Katharine: Will lyou put in a blank envelope the sum of money that you wish to expend for a wedding present for Olive, and send it to my house sealed, but not marked in any way, before next Tuesday? Then will you come on Tuesday at about four o’ clock and we will put all the envelopes in a box, shake them up, count the money and decide on the present, choosing a committee of two to buy it. When we have made up our minds we can drink tea and wish Olive all good luck.

Affectionately your friend, Gladys Hamilton.’

The result was, that instead of five or six useless gifts, the pretty bride had one very handsome present that came with the love of her bridesmaids, and was thoroughly appreciated, and did not cost one of them a cent more than would have been spent if each girl had sent some fanciful spoon or ridiculous fork.

Apologies for not getting my formatting right on this post. No matter how many times I attempt to edit it,I can’t get rid of some of the quotations settings!